Dear Dad (#7)

Morning Dad! 

Well yesterday was a weird day. Mom had a rough morning...she said she wasn't sure what started it, but I felt bad. Then she had to go to work and deal with Mr. Pleasant himself... OY! 

So Tuesday night I took a Super B complex vitamin and I think it made me a little wacky yesterday. I felt like I was on this high most of the day. Of course, when I would slow down or stop you would pop back into my head. Yesterday I was thinking about the last time I full on hugged you. I don't remember it. I remember half hugging you when we found out they were going to take the left leg, but that's all I can remember out of the hospital. I am so craving a physical connection from you. I had music playing at work and some songs would come on and it would make me think how nice it would have been to dance with you. And I could even imagine it. Then I am reminded that we can't dance together, ever again. You are gone now and I have been robbed. I was so waiting and hoping and praying that you would give me away. And I was so looking forward to dancing with you at my wedding. It would have meant so much to me and I know it would have meant a lot to you. After EVERYTHING you had been through, we had been through, it would have been such an awesome moment. I know you will be there with me... in spirit, but I am selfish and would prefer to have you here in person. 

It angers me that I was robbed, that you were robbed, that we, this family was robbed. There were so many more memories to create with you.... The holidays are coming and they are drenched with bittersweetness. I so love this time of the year, but now it will hold a different emotion, a different sensation about it. It will drip with longing and regrets. It will be a jovial time, of course, but we will always have you in our hearts and minds wishing that you were there too, to enjoy the festivities and be with the family. 

Okay... I think that is all I have in me for now... I shall return! 

Love,

Alicia