mom gave me a golf towel that she found in your high boy... it smells like you. sometimes when i am thinking about you, i take a whiff and i feel like you are closer to me. i still think we are all in a stage of shock. it's weird. some days when i go to mom's i KNOW that you aren't going to be there, but there are other days when i am expecting you to be there. it's the strangest thing. i see a lot of people in those electronic chairs and ask myself why they are here and you are not. i see people with one leg, and wonder why they are here and you are not. it's not fair. you left before you should have. i feel like a broken record, but i have nothing new... it feels the same almost everyday. i keep wondering why... and that it wasn't fair. 

i am so grateful that i was able to be with you in your final moments. it's something that I will always cherish. you were there for my first breaths and I was there for your final ones. it's a sort of completion of a cycle in some way. I remember kissing you goodbye on your head and knowing that i would never get to do that again. I remember embracing mom and that gut wrenching feeling that none of us were prepared for the next part... dealing with the aftermath of your death. what you left behind was a mighty wake. a wake that will pass at it's own pace... in it's own way... on it's own time. 

we love and miss you dad! 

please watch over us and keep us safe!